Mind Blogging. Mind Boggling.

So now that 2012 went by with a whimper, without the slightest trace of apocalypse (the closest we got was peering down the edge of the "fiscal cliff", and on the Apocalypse scale, a fiscal cliff is just pathetic) I think it's time for the next movie: 2015. I know, I know we had the authority of the Mayans behind 2012, but so what. It could have been an error, an oversight by the Mayan calendar-maker.

In fact, every movie in the "Apocalypse Now 3 Years Hence" series begins with an explanation of why the original 2012 prognostication was wrong. The sequence depicts the revered ancient Mayan calendar-maker delegating a seemingly routine calculation to a careless intern, who messes up. It can be a bit like Dinosaur comics, where there's a different explanation for the same action, in every movie. One time, the intern is not concentrating on the math because he's thinking of this cute Mayan girl. Anther instance, he's thinking of building a time machine so that he can go into the future to check if the apocalypse task he is currently working on, actually pans out. You know- job satisfaction- you want to be working on something relevant, not mumbo-jumbo, and the smart intern does in fact suspect mumbo-jumbo.

So anyhow, it is established that the correct apocalypse date is actually 2015 (or 2018, 2021 and so on..) and then the writer/director proceeds to weave a different disaster tale on every occasion. Sun spots, alien attack, flu contagion, so on. 

There can be a huge societal benefit from making and consuming the "Apocalypse Now 3 Years Hence" series. I read an interesting book about Israel's economic miracle called "Start Up Nation", and one of the reasons it ascribes to the crazy number of start ups in Israel is the "siege mentality" they possess. They are at war all the time, so they don't know whether they would live two years from now, and therefore, whatever they think of, they do it NOW- big risk takers. I have this great idea, let me start up now for god knows if I'll be around two years later; I want to travel, let me do it now; I want to ask this girl out-no dithering. No self doubt. No fear of failure. Just go ahead and ask her. Go to Church Street or Brigade Road or something. Parking is easier on Church Street, mind you, and Church Street has other useful destinations, too- Blossom book house, Amoeba bowling.- where you can get away from making conversation. What are you waiting for- what's the worst that can happen!!?

Sorry, I got distracted, what I meant to say is, regular consumption of "Apocalypse Now 3 Years Hence" movies will engender a siege mentality and the world will experience an economic miracle akin to that of Israel.

"Yo, da. Well you are?"

"Why so passive, dude? Whatever, well I am"

"You know, a mark of intelligence is a focus on the message, and not the voice that delivers it"

"But I thought GMAT would have taught you to be active. And look at you, slacking on that stinking old bean bag"

"The bean bag stinks? You stink, dude"

"Ok, I'll ignore the voice"

"Then you will see that the content is the greeting of Jedi master Yo Da, who is quite a passive being. God bless him, he's dead, the old green fella. And don't talk about GMAT. So I was driving, yesterday, and I was thinking of this essay on Culture-Shock I've got to write. So when I went to TEXAS to visit an oil factory, I took some time out to take a look around"

"I know why you want to hate me"

"Cos hate is all the world has ever seen lately"

"And we stop there. As it is with most songs, all I remember is the two sentences leading up to the main tune. So, I am taking a look around. I walk down this dusty, deserted road, and there's this bar, I push open the swing doors with a loud creak, and everyone stops talking and stares at me. I get very nervous, and walk up to the bartender, a big guy with a massive hat who frowns down suspiciously at me. I try to say "One Bea" in a deep voice, but it comes out all squeaky and I say "One Biarrr" in an extreme-Indian accent. He goes down below the counter, comes back up, and the next thing I know I am staring down the long twin-barrel of a shot gun. How's that for a Culture Shock?"  

"We are livin' in Amerika! It's wunderbar!"

"So you think it's a good culture shock essay?"

"Wunderbar."

"Thanks. But anyway, at this point I crashed into the backside of a tractor"

"Oh, your 800 is busted?"

"Oh no, the tractor was carrying a lot of wheat, which stuck out a meter and a half out the back. I went in softly into the wheat and my car is totally fine. Just that the windscreen got a fine film of wheat dust- I had to stop to the side and wipe it clean"

"Baleful incident. Did you taste the wheat dust?"

"No, actually it wasn't really wheat dust, it was more like plain dust. But you know, the wheat cushioned the impact to such an extent that the farmer who was driving never realized that something had hit him- he just drove on. It was a blue Mahindra tractor. But the blue was brown because of all the wheat dust" 

"This is nothing da. I fell off my cycle yesterday. I haven't cycled for ages, and I started too fast in standing position, and my foot got stuck in the pedal, and the cycle tipped over to the side. I hurt my knee real bad. Now I can't cycle again, for ages. And when I cycle then, I'll probably fall off again"

"Vicious cycle. But if you were hurt, how did you get back home?"

"Oh, I was already home. It was a stationary cycle. This happened in my bedroom. It was in the afternoon, I was really sleepy, so I just lifted myself to the bed and just slept off. I dreamt I was playing football, and the opposition defender tackled me real bad on the knee- and when I woke up my knee was hurting real bad"

"All right, bro, I should get going, gotto work on my Culture Shock essay. Tell me if you get some good ideas"

"Ok da, see you. Happy new year"

"Yeah dude, wish you and your family a happy and prosperous new year"

"You too. I hope you all prosper"

THE END.

Credits: S for the "you stink" way of thinking.